Two is a Crowd
by WesternElf
Summary: Due to shortage of funds, Snake Eyes and Thomas have to lodge in the same apartment. Oh, yeah - the two do NOT get along. Arguments abound!
1. Chapter 1

**Two is a Crowd**

**Chapter 1: Yeah, right. **

**POV: Snake Eyes**

Thomas and I stared at the papers sitting on the table in front of us. They were the rental contract for the apartments we had chosen… there was just one problem.

Neither of us had enough money for them. And we both knew there was only one solution.

"No," said Thomas, shaking his head, "No way, no how."

"Right," I agreed firmly.

"We'll just have to live in an alley."

"Exactly."

We both continued to stare at the pages, then we looked at each other. Then back at the pages. Then back at each other. With a sigh, I picked up the pen and signed.

Thomas and Snake Eyes were about to share an apartment.

"This is _so_ not going to work," said Thomas, shaking his head. He pushed his black hair away from his forehead and surveyed the now-furnished apartment. It was small, but cozy and clean.

It was the 'small' that had us worried. Neither of us are big cleaner-uppers. In fact, Thomas is a downright slob.

Not that I'm much better.

"I think you're right," I agreed.

"Well, there's not much we can do, anyway," Thomas sighed. He flopped down onto the couch as I began to inspect the apartment.

For the fourth time.

"One bathroom," I noted.

"You pointed that out the first time," said Thomas, opening a _Kendo _magazine.

"Yeah, I know," I said, "I just can't get over it."

"We'll never survive," my brother said gloomily.

"Two bedrooms, at least," I said, trying to look on the optimistic side.

"Two bedrooms that are actually closets made to _look_ like bedrooms in order to fool people," Thomas said.

I looked doubtfully into the bedroom I had chosen. It was about the size of a Gestappo cell. I sighed and walked down the built-for-a-ruler-not-a-person-sized hallway and walked into the kitchen.

"It has an island," I called.

"Good. We can set toothpicks on it while we cook."

"You're a pessimist."

"This apartment was designed for them."

"It was designed for one person," I said.

"As I said. It was designed for pessimists. Who's making dinner?"

"You are," I said, peering into the Fridge. It was about as big as a jewelry box.

"We'll get along fine here," I said, "I think we can manage."

"Yeah, right."

**Chapter 2: Pepper and Toothpaste**

**POV: Thomas**

I am going to kill Ian. There was absolutely no way we were going to survive. At least, one of us wasn't, and it wasn't going to be me that got killed.

I ordinarily would have been much more debonair and gentlemanly about sharing the apartment, but I had known this would happen. I was looking, eyes narrowed, at my tube of Crest toothpaste and thinking _this is the last straw._

We had only been living together for seven hours - since twelve o'clock p.m. to be precise - and already we were having trouble.

It all started after Snakes told me _I_ was making dinner. I happen to be a pretty good cook, so I wasn't all that worried about what he would think. What I WAS worried about was the fact that there were two cabinets in the kitchen, two burners on the stove which was only big enough for a few strips of bacon, and the only food we happened to have was a jar of oatmeal, unless those little packets of hot sauce from Taco Bell count.

So much for the gourmet dinner I'd been planning (NOT!) Anyway, at six o'clock that evening, I started making oatmeal on the two-burner stove. It must have smelled like something else, because Snakes called to me from his room "Put pepper on it, would ya?"

And I thought "Well, his food issues are not my problem," and dumped the entire contents of the pepper grinder into his bowl of oatmeal. It turned an unappetizing blackish-grey color, but hey! If Snakes wanted pepper in his oatmeal, he would have pepper in his oatmeal.

I set the two plastic bowls on the card table, got out two plastic spoons and two cans of coke. "Snakes, dinner!" I called.

"Good! Smells delicious."

_Ha, _I thought. _Just wait. _

He must have been distracted about something, because he sat down and took a huge bite of the oatmeal - without actually looking at the contents of his bowl.

The look on his face was priceless.

His eyes grew to three times their normal size. While I was sitting on the floor dying with laughter, he was running into the kitchen to spit out the pepper-filled Oatmeal into the trash.

He didn't think it was as funny as I did, apparently, because now I am staring at my toothpaste tube, like I said. And all the toothpaste has been squeezed from the MIDDLE!

Everyone knows - you squeeze the toothpaste from the BOTTOM! Not the top, not the middle, the BOTTOM!

I'm going to kill Ian.

**Chapter 3: Dirty Socks and Soda**

**POV: Snake Eyes**

"THOMAS SUBURU ARASHIKAGE!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Thomas came screeching out of his room. "What?" he panted, eyes wide.

I looked at him. "Look at the mess in this hallway!" I said, waving my arms helplessly at the mess of shirts, socks, and jeans strewn all over.

"Is that's what's got you so hot n' bothered?" laughed Thomas, sagging against the doorway.

"For your information, this mess could really hurt someone!" I said, glaring.

"Who? Snake Eyes, the American Ninja, or Storm Shadow, the Arashikage Ninja?" Thomas questioned. Obviously, he doubted the truth of my statement. "Come here," I said, motioning with a hand.

"What for?" he asked suspiciously.

"I want to show you something."

"Right," he said, narrowing his eyes.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 3: Dirty Socks and Soda**

**POV: Snake Eyes**

"THOMAS SUBURU ARASHIKAGE!" I shouted at the top of my lungs. Thomas came screeching out of his room, holding a tube of toothpaste. I didn't even take time for a wicked smile when I saw the uneven lumps in it.

"What?" he panted, eyes wide.

I looked at him. "Look at the mess in this hallway!" I said, waving my arms helplessly at the mess of shirts, socks, and jeans strewn all over.

"Is that's what's got you so hot n' bothered?" laughed Thomas, sagging against the doorway.

"For your information, this mess could really hurt someone!" I said, glaring.

"Who? Snake Eyes the American Ninja, or Storm Shadow, the Arashikage Ninja?" Thomas questioned. Obviously, he doubted the truth of my statement. "Come here," I said, motioning with a hand.

"What for?" he asked suspiciously.

"I want to show you something."

"Right," he said, narrowing his eyes.

"I'm serious," I insisted, genuine sincerity shining through my guileless blue eyes.

Thomas came warily forward. I pointed down. And (get this!) he looked down. Idiot. I brought my hand up and hit him flat on the nose. "NEVER LEAVE A MESS LIKE THIS AGAIN!" I shouted.

Thomas was holding his nose with both hands, brown eyes on either side shooting daggers at me.

"If you DO do this again," I threatened, "I will personally twist you inside out! Get it?"

"God id," he managed, the toothpaste thing apparently forgotten.

"Good," I said, spinning on my heel and dumping a load of dirty clothes into the doll-sized washing machine. So, silly me, I thought we were done. But nooooo! You want to know how it went? I'll tell you. AFTER I had done ALL the laundry, I went into my room to relax and possibly do some stretches to loosen up. But as I walked in, I saw a plastic bottle of soda sitting on my nightstand. Soda! I don't drink soda - it's very unhealthy. (Well, don't tell Kamakura, but I actually DO drink Soda. Occasionally. At weddings and stuff. So, yeah.)But still, this green plastic twelve ounce bottle of Sprite was definitely NOT mine. "THOMAS SABURU ARASHIKAGE!" I shouted once more.

Thomas sauntered into the room, a band-aid dramatically plastered across his nose. "Yes?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

I pointed viciously at the bottle sitting on MY nightstand.

"Oh, that," he said in an offhanded way. "Yeah."

"Is that all you have to say for yourself? Is there anything else?" I demanded angrily.

"The TV is in your room," he pointed out. I groaned. "Fine. You can watch TV in here. But NO food OR drinks! Savvy?"

"I savvy," he replied, doing his best to look contrite and, um, failing. Really badly.

He turned to go out and I threw the Sprite bottle at him. "And don't do it again!"

"I won't!" he called back.

I forgot that that boy never keeps his promises.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 4: Remote Control**

**POV: Thomas**

That night, I picked up the TV guide. "Hey, Ian!"

Still-Not-Happy-With-Me hollered back "What?"

"Traitor in the Dojo's on tonight!"

His face appeared around the doorframe of my room. "Traitor in the Dojo?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

"Yeah! It's supposed to be good!"

"You're kidding, right?"

"Uh… yeeeah, I'm kidding," I said, rolling my eyes.

"Good," he said, and stepped back into his room.

Ooh-KAY then. I guess he doesn't want to watch it. I went back to flipping pages. "Hey, Snakes!"

"WHAT?"

"How about 'Ninja Grandmother'?"

"…no."

"Sludge Monster?"

"No!"

"Revenge of the Crazy ex-Girlfriends?"

"NO!!"

I got up and peered into his room. "Is there _anything _you'd like to watch?" I asked. He looked up from his _Martial Artist _magazine and glared at me.

"How about anything that doesn't sound like an F minus ripoff cheesy enough to make a pizza with?"

Feel the sarcasm. You could have cut it with a knife and served it for dinner. "Soo…" I scratched my head. "Let's watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre!"

Judging by the look on his face, that was a 'no.'

"Your mood stinks," I informed him. "Jus' sayin',"

He looked up once again, his face straight. "Not as bad as your socks," he retorted.

So that night, we still hadn't decided what to watch. I walked into Ian's room, sat down in a _very _small chair, and noticed he had the remote. I groaned. Inwardly, of course. The TV was on - some movie called _Once In a Summer_ was playing. "You have _got_ to be kidding me."

He wasn't. "It's a cute movie. You'll like it."

"Give me the remote."

"No!"

"But this is a _stupid_ movie!"

"As opposed to 'Ninja Grandmother,' I suppose?" he asked.

I jumped for the remote. "Give! Me! That!"

"Not! On! Your! Life!" he shouted. I grabbed him in a headlock and he kicked me in the ribs. WE fell off the bed, and I banged my head on the corner of the TV. "Ouch!"

Snakes flipped up and over the bed with a triumphant smile.

_Oh, no, you don't! _I shot up and grabbed his leg. Taken by surprise, he toppled and tripped over me. We both crashed into the TV screen. The ominous sound of glass breaking made us both freeze. We slowly turned. A jagged crack ran up the TV screen.

There was a moment of silence, and then I said "Well, I guess there goes TV for tonight!" I looked at Snakes, who still held the remote. "You're not happy about this - are you?"

He crossed his arms and glared. "Not _remotely."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Two is a Crowd**

**Chapter 5: Dinner a la Snake Eyes**

**POV: Snake Eyes**

What with Thomas breaking the TV and all, I was ready for bed.

"Hey, Ian! Your turn to make dinner!"

And here I had thought I could go to bed without it. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I called irritably down the hall.

"FOOD!"

I walked down the hall into the living cell. "Be-SIDES food," I growled.

"Well, Mister Smiley, how about something gourmet?"

"You're joking."

"No."

"Fine! I have this Italian recipe casserole thing I think you'll like."

"Go get 'em!" Thomas crowed, eyes closed, iPod in his ears as he lay stretched out on the couch.

I walked into the wannabe kitchen and pulled a pot out to set on the stove. I grinned at the box of macaroni and cheese I then took from the cabinet.

Thomas took his earbuds from his ears and called "Hey, Snakes! Is there enough stuff for this fancy dish?"

"Oh, yes," I said, pouring water into the pot and turning the burner on, "we have enough. There's not much to it."

"Okay."

Fifteen minutes later, I brought out two steaming bowls of noodles and cheese.

"Come and get it," I hollered, setting them on the card table and sitting Indian-style.

"Mmm! Smells GOOD!" Thomas enthused, sitting down across from me and looking into his bowl."MACARONI AND CHEESE!?"

"You're an idiot, Tommy," I said, calling him by his hated nickname, "We don't have NEARLY enough food for a gourmet dinner!!"

"But… but…"

"But, I'll do some shopping. Tomorrow, we'll eat this broccoli-cheese casserole I saw on TV… that would be TV before you broke it…"

"Ian-"

"And the night after that, I think we'll have this spinach-tomato-thing…. And then-"

"IAN!" Thomas looked absolutely sick.

"Yes?" I asked, struggling to keep a smile off my face.

"Forget it! I'LL make dinner from now on!"

_It had worked! Oh, yeah! _"Well, okay! Your job now."

I watched carefully as Thomas picked up his fork and put a bite of macaroni in his mouth. He blinked, and put the fork back down.

"Wait. Did I just…"

"Agree to cook dinner forever? Yes."

Thomas groaned and pounded his forehead on the card table. "I can NOT believe I just did that!"

I picked up my fork. "What are you moaning about? I'm the one that's doomed!"


	5. Chapter 5

**Two is a Crowd **

**Chapter 7: I don't THINK so!**

**POV: Thomas**

_Ding-dong!_

I opened the door and saw my favorite redhead standing there. "Hi, Thomas!" she said.

I leaned against the doorframe and grinned at her. "Hey, Scarlett."

She raised an eyebrow, but knew perfectly well I was joking. "Stand aside, foul beast," she ordered.

I heaved a dramatic sigh, then stepped aside and yelled "SNAKES! SCARLETT IS HERE!"

"I'll be there in a second," he called back.

"Where is he?" Scarlett asked, looking at me.

"He's getting out of the shower. Coffee?"

"I've never heard of showering in coffee before. Is it refreshing?" she asked innocently, sitting on the couch.

"Actually, yes. He can't match my tan, so he tries everything. Would you like some coffee to drink?" I asked, flashing a grin.

"As long as it's not the same stuff coming out of the showerhead, yes, thank you."

"You never know," I said as I poured her a cup.

She took a sip, then set it down on the card table and looked around. "Nice place," she commented, "if a tad small."

"A tad? HEY, IAN! SHE THINKS THIS PLACE IS A TAD SMALL," I yelled.

"A TAD!?" he yelled back, appearing in jeans and a T-shirt. He looked incredulously at Scarlett, and sat down next to her, taking her hand and looking at her with a serious expression on his face. "Now, Scarlett, I know that working in the team can be… well, demanding, and sometimes you can get tense, and nervous, and overwrought-"

"Did you just call me overweight?" she demanded.

I hid my urge to chuckle as Snakes shook his head. "No! No, no. I was saying maybe you ought to visit Doc and take a rest leave, because your sense of perception seems to be a bit…"

"Distorted?" I offered.

"Yeah, distorted," Snakes agreed. He looked at Scarlett, whose eyes were twinkling.

"I'd say you could fit one more guy in here," she said, her tone holding mischief.

"Depends on the guy. As long as he's under one foot six, we're good," I said.

"Well, how about five foot nine?"

"Kamakura!?" exclaimed Ian. "Scarlett, we can barely fit ourselves in here. There's no way we can fit one more."

"Are you sure?" asked Scarlett, grinning. I was ready to panic here, and she's GRINNING?

"Yes! Yes, we're sure!" Ian and I practically yelled.

"But-"

"No buts!" I was hyperventilating, for pity's sake! "We can not, repeat, NOT, fit Any. More. People. In. This. Apartment."

"Well, okay," said Scarlett with a sigh. "But he has nowhere to stay!"

"How about the pit?" Ian suggested, as if it was the most logical thing to do – which it was.

"Can't. New recruits," she sighed.

I moaned. "Isn't there _anywhere_ else he could stay?"

"Not really," she said, her tone sadly hopeful.

Ian ran his fingers through his tousled, damp blond hair and sighed. "Okay."

"WHAT!?" I screeched. "Ian, are you MAD? Insane? YOU should go see Doc and take a rest leave, cuz you have – OF YOUR SENSES!!"

They sat, staring at me and wondering what on earth I meant. I clarified. "THERE IS NO WAY WE ARE FITTING ANOTHER PERSON IN HERE!"

"Well, okay. I'd better be getting back – just wanted to see how you guys were holding up," said Scarlett, downing the rest of her coffee and standing. Snakes stood with her. "Thanks, Scarlett, it was nice seeing you after staring at HIS face all day."

I frowned. "It's a wonderful face to stare at," I retorted, crossing my arms.

"Hey, I thought you guys were friends," laughed Scarlett, opening the door. She turned slightly, looking back at us. "I'll send Kamakura over-"

"I think I'm gonna cry," I muttered.

"With Jinx. They made cookies. Honestly, did you really think new recruits would kick Kam out? He's exactly where he's always been." And with that, she walked down the stairs, leaving us standing, staring, and thinking _Practical jokes… are definitely her forte. _


	6. Chapter 6

**Two is a Crowd Chapter 8: Thomas looks like who?**

**POV: Snake Eyes**

"Come in! Thomas, Scarlett's here," I called, opening the door.

"Hey," she said as they exchanged side hugs, "I brought the pizza." She added in a low whisper "And two pieces for Thomas."

I grinned. "I thought you'd say that. You're too much of a mother to let your children starve."

She shook her head. "You, Snake Eyes, are the silliest ninja I've never met."

I tsk'd my tongue at her. "Plus one of the only ninja's you've ever met," I added.

"So?" she asked. She set the box on the counter.

"Thomas!" I waited for an answer. It came in the form of a crash, a bang, and an "I'm all right!" from Thomas.

"I see one of your children is getting in trouble again," I remarked, taking a bite of pepperoni pizza.

"Pity. Hope he doesn't hurt himself."

"Ah, a mother's tenderness," I said, thoroughly enjoying my pizza.

She looked towards me and raised an eyebrow. "Good?" she asked.

"Goooooood," I said enthusiastically. She grinned, then called "Thomas! Aren't you going to say hello to me?"

"No," he called.

"Why not?" I yelled.

"She's mean!"

"Am not," Scarlett shouted in her own defense.

"Yeah," I echoed, taking another bite.

"Tell the Pizza Lady to go away," Thomas called.

"Pizza Lady? What pizza lady? I don't see a pizza lady here," I said, pulling a piece of pepperoni off my pizza and popping it in my mouth.

"And tell her to take her torturously delicious-smelling pizza OUT OF HERE!"

"Hey, get in here, you idiot!" Scarlett yelled, "or I'll take the pizza I brought for you and never return!"

"How unmotherly of you," he remarked, walking into the hall.

Scarlett looked sharply at me. "Did you tell him to say that?"

I looked incredulously at her and made a noise somewhat akin to an incredulous, high-pitched "Huh?" "You've seen me the entire time," I reminded her, "and I haven't gone into Thomas's room."

"Oh, speaking of you," said Scarlett, turning to look at Thomas, "I was looking through a magazine I bought and there was a guy who looked just like you!"

Thomas stopped in mid-bite – eating one of MY pieces of pizza, if you'll notice – and said "Mmrf?"

"Yeah." Scarlett pulled the glossy magazine out from underneath the hot pizza box. The cover was covered in moisture from the heat, but she wiped it off on her jeans, then opened it and flipped through the pages until she found the right one. "Here," she said, handing it to Thomas.

He took it, chewing rapidly, then burst out "I do NOT!"

Scarlett doubled over in laughter. "You do, too!"

"Let me see," I said, leaning over the counter to catch a glimpse of this Thomas-look-alike. "What's his name?" I asked.

"Byung-hun Lee," said Scarlett, straightening, her eyes twinkling like Japanese lanterns.

"He DOES look like you, Thomas! Wow!" I exclaimed, staring at the two-page spread.

"He does NOT!" Thomas insisted, looking in astonishment at the page.

"Does too," Scarlett and I both said.

"He's… he's too… he's…"

"Your twin?" I offered.

He shot me a glare. "No!"

"Then what?" Scarlett asked, flipping her red hair over her shoulder and looking expectantly at Thomas.

"I don't know, he just _is_!"

"Well, that's pitiful," said Scarlett, deftly plucking the magazine from Thomas and tucking it under her arm, "because he looks exactly like you."

"The only thing is perhaps he should be a few years younger," I said. "Other than that – spittin' image."

Thomas snatched three pieces of pizza – besides the one he'd already eaten (which would make them MY pieces) – and stalked down the hall to his room.

"Goodbye, dear," Scarlett called to him as I saw her to the door, "be good now!"

"I won't," he called back.

"I knew you'd say that. So I'll send Tunnel Rat by every day until he brings me back good reports."

"NO!" Thomas barreled around the corner, a look of panic on his face. "Don't do that!"

"Why not?" asked Scarlett, poised, hand on the doorknob.

"Because – he'll wreck the place! Eat our food!"

"Don't worry, he's housetrained," said Scarlett dryly.

"Barely," Thomas muttered.

Scarlett glared at him. "You're rude."

Thomas sighed heavily and trudged to his room, his essence of pep gone.

"Bye, Shana," I said, calling her by her real name as she walked out the door.

"Bye, Ian – and you be good, too!"

"I will, mommy!"

She grinned and walked down the stairs. Great. Now I had to go through a night of Thomas scheming on how to get rid of Tunnel Rat.


	7. Chapter 7

**Two is a Crowd Chapter Eight**

**Baloney and Coffee**

**POV: Snake Eyes**

Thomas and I stood on the street corner after our last escapade, waiting for the red hand to turn into a green 'walk' signal.

Cars rushed past us as I stood waiting, and Thomas stood with his hands in his pockets, whistling and grinning at the girls who passed by.

I rolled my eyes. "Hey, Captain Kirk, could you come back to earth long enough to cross the street?"

"Yes, brother," he replied, giving me a wide smile. "As soon as the light turns green."

I groaned and ran a frustrated hand through my hair, turning to look down the street as a Hearse drove past.

"Quick! Hide your thumbs!" Thomas hissed, sticking his hands behind his back.

"WHAT!?" I screeched.

"Just do it!"

I covered my thumbs and tried to look as nonchalant as I possibly could as the Hearse went slowly by. As soon as it turned farther down the street, I quit the ridiculous charade and looked with a confused expression at Thomas. "And just what was that?" I demanded.

"Standard procedure, Cap'n," he replied, touching an imaginary hat.

"Is this from Japan?" I asked, looking at my thumbs. "I don't remember that _anywhere." _

"You wouldn't, only we true Japanese know it," he replied, wiggling his own thumbs.

"Thank goodness," I said, then as we crossed the street asked "What exactly does it do?"

"Protects us from bad luck," he said seriously.

"I see," I said, lying.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do!"

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do."

"You think it is stupid, brother."

"Yes, I do!" I blinked, realizing what I had just said as Thomas blinked right back at me. Then we both burst into laughter.

"Hey, wait a second," I said suddenly, cutting the laughter. "I thought Japanese people didn't like to be loud in public."

"I do," he replied, grinning devilishly. "I cannot be exactly like everyone else, you know."

"So why do you keep all the weird customs, and ditch the relatively normal ones/" I asked with feigned politeness.

"Why, brother, I do believe you are jealous," he said.

"Huh? Jealous? Where on earth did jealousy come into this? And what on earth would I have to be jealous _of_, exactly!?" I demanded.

"Oh, the fact that I am twenty-five and there are no wrinkles to be seen on my face," he teased, "or the fact that I am the world's greatest ninja?"

I snorted – _loud. _"You wish."

"I am!"

"Dream on, sucker," I retorted as we walked into the café we had been headed towards in the first place.

"It is no dream, it is fact," he said smugly, moving up to the back of the long line.

"Good grief, this'll take a while," I said, looking at my diver's watch.

"No matter how much of a hurry we are in, we must stay at the back," Thomas said primly.

"What? Come on, our orders'll only take a minute, and then we'll be out!" If not, we would be late for meeting Scarlett and Tunnel Rat at the book store.

"Aaww, come on, brother," said Thomas, "etiquette! Look, how about you go sit down, and I'll wait here." He grinned, and I obeyed obediently.

"I can never remember what you order anyway," I told him as I moved over and sat down.

"Just because I order a double-chocolate-chip peppermint frappuccino with half the peppermint and low-fat steamed milk, sans the whipped cream, does NOT mean that I order something impossible to remember," Thomas replied.

I shook my head and sat down. "Right. Call me stupid."

"All right, stupid."

I groaned. "Remember my drink."

"I do not happen to have the memory problem you do," he said, "I remember yours perfectly. It is the unhealthy drink."

"Green tea is _not _unhealthy," I said indignantly.

"It's disgusting," he replied, moving up in line. Now he was only three away from the front.

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is!"

"No, it's not!"

"Yes, it is."

"No."

"Yes."  
"No."

"Yes."

"Will you just stop talking about thumbs and green tea and just order the stupid coffee!" I shouted, startling pretty much everyone but Thomas.

"Sorry, everyone," he said loudly, "My friend here was just released sanatorium. He should be more or less fine in a few days!"

"THOMAS!" I growled, glaring.

He gave me a charming smile and walked up to the counter, ordering his mind-boggling drink, then gave me a lip-curl and said "And a green tea."

I wrinkled my nose at him and looked at my watch, then held it up pointedly in Thomas's line of vision. He rolled his eyes and sat down next to me. "The drinks will be here soon," he said. "We will still be able to meet Scarlett and TR at the bookstore."

"Too late," I said, as the redhead and the teenager from the Bronx walked in and got in the long line that had accumulated after Thomas.

They did not seem to see us, but we could hear them as they chatted.

"I can't believe they were ten minutes late," sighed Scarlett. "Ian, at least, is always on time."

I smirked at Thomas, who glared at me, then grinned as Tunnel Rat said "Yeeeh, I dunno 'bout dat. I tink dey're both lookin' at goils."

"I beg your pardon, Ian does _not _look at girls," said Scarlett.

I nodded, grateful for the support, but Tunnel Rat dashed it when he said "Oh, yeah? Remember de time when you was out an' he was starin' at dat blonde?"

"'Dat blond' happened to be Cover Girl, and he was staring at her because she was talking to Duke," said Scarlett.

TR shrugged. "So?"

"So, Snakes thought they might be together!"

Tunnel Rat looked puzzled. "Uh… they was, wasn't they?"

"Well," said Scarlett, and moved up. "Well, either way, they're both flakes."

"Maybe we ought to quit dropping our eaves," said Thomas with a grin, "we might hear something we didn't like!"


	8. Chapter 8

**Two is a Crowd Chapter Nine:**

**"GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM!"**

**POV: Snake Eyes**

Oh, brothers.

I had just gotten back from a long run in the hot sun and was soaked in sweat. I was standing in front o the bathroom door – the bathroom itself "occupied" at the moment. "Thomas!! Hurry up, I have to take a shower!"

"I'll come out when I want to, and not a minute sooner!" His voice came muffled through the door.

"I said move it!"

"You'll have to kill me, first!"

"That can be arranged! OUT!"

"NEVAAAAH!"

I pushed my damp hair away from my eyes and decide4d to threaten him. "Get out now OR ELSE!!"

"That's a grandma's threat," he taunted back at me.

I had just about had enough with this boy. "Out or I'll throw you out!'

"Yeah, right," Thomas retorted.

My hands were in fists as I eyed the flimsy door. I could blow that thing down, I thought. So I did – knock it down. I gave it one pound with my shoulder and the lock burst open. Thomas stood there, mouth in an 'O.' And thankfully, dressed.

"So!" I said, eyes narrowed, "you were just standing here goading me on, huh?"

He squirted some gel into his hand. "That's right, brother!" He ran his fingers through his black hair, finger-combing it to perfection.

I arched an eyebrow as he turned and rolled his eyes at me. "Do I look like the kind to do that?" he asked, sounding righteously indignant.

"Yes, you do," I retorted, shouldering my way into the small bathroom and shoving him partially out. "Actually, you look like the poster boy for it."

"Thanks," he said, flashing a grin at me. I wrinkled my nose in distaste. "Get out – the rest of the way."

He shrugged infuriatingly, checked himself once more in the mirror, and walked past me, saying over his shoulder, "Oh, don't forget to fix that lock later, brother."

I growled and slammed the door as I turned the cold water on.

Oh well.

**Part Two**

**POV: Storm Shadow**

Ding-dong!

I caught a glimpse of red through the partially hole-ridden door and grinned. Scarlett. I caught another glimpse of something and shook my head. Tunnel Rat. Without putting my issue of "Martial Arts" down, I called "Door's closed. Open it and come on in."

Scarlett walked in, hand on hop. The other held two books. "I went by the library," she said, ushering the Walking Mishap in behind her before closing the door, "and I picked up your and Ian's books."

"Thanks, what did I have?"

With a raised eyebrow she handed it to me – Cloak of the Forbidden. The latest murder mystery. "Here."

"Thaaaank-you," I said, popping off the 'you' and taking the book. I leaned forward a little and caught a glimpse of Snakes' book. "The _Second Law of Thermodynamic: The Order of the Universe." Good_ _grief._

Tunnel Rat wrinkled his freckled nose as he looked at Snakes's book. "Uuh… what's thermo Dynamite?"

"That's 'Dynamics,' genius," Scarlett said, taking the words right out of my mouth.

"Hey, Thomas, can I borrow a towel and dry off? It just started raining all of a sudden, and I got soaked."

"I looked up, still not in full intelligence mode, and said offhandedly "Sure!"

"Thanks!" She headed down the hall. What I had just done did not dawn on me until I heard Scarlett scream and Ian yell "THOMAS ARASHIKAGE!!!!!!"

I jumped up at the same time that TR shook his soggy hair like a dog and sprayed water all over the place. Unsure as to whether fight or flee, I chose the third option – innocent confusion. And perhaps apologies. I hurried down the hallway and came to the bathroom door. There stood Scarlett, hands on hips, glaring at me with a look that would freeze Brazil. Ian was inside the bathroom, looking at me through the open door with an expression that told me I'd better have signed my will earlier that morning. His fresh T-shirt hung in one hand.

"Uh…" was all I could say.

Calmly and coolly, Ian pulled his shirt over his head and looked at the red-faced Scarlett. "Would you like to use the bathroom, Scarlett?" he asked politely.

"Yes, thank you, Ian," she answered, shooting me a last glare, and entering the bathroom as Ian exited.

"Nice going, Slick," Ian said as he looked at men, arms folded across his chest.

"Sorry," I said, sticking my hands in the air like I was being robbed. "I wasn't thinking."

"So tell me something unusual."

I glared at him, he grinned at me, and we walked into our rooms, me having forgotten about Tunnel Rat, Ian unaware that the Breathing Bug was even in the apartment.

**Part Three**

**POV: Snake Eyes**

As I finished getting ready for the day and Thomas did who knows what (in my opinion, he was probably grinning at himself in the mirror,) I wondered what Scarlett was doing here. Unbeknownst to me, Tunnel Rat had gotten it into his scrambled brain that he was hungry and should raid the cooler-sized fridge.

* * *

Tunnel Rat licked his fingers. Yummy! That fudgesicle had hit the spot. He looked at the sticky chocolate that now covered his hands – the chocolate that had remained despite the many times he had licked it. "Hmm." Where could he wash his hands? Why the bathroom, of course! He walked past the t iny kitchen sink and trotted down the hall to the bathroom. He pushed open the door, but a scream from Scarlett made him pause. "You still in der?"

"YES, I'm 'still in der,'" said Scarlett from behind the door.  
"Welll, I gotta wash my hands!"

"Well, wait!"

"Why? You'se just dryin' youse hair!"

"No, I'm going to the bathroom!"

"But I jus' gotta-"

"WAIT!" Scarlett screeched.

"Why?"

"BECAUSE!! You don't just walk in on someone when they're in the bathroom!"

"But de door was unlocked," Tunnel Rat said quizzically, looking at the door that was open three inches. "Can't I jus' come in for a second?"

"NO!! TR, get it through your head – NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO –"

"Okay, one second," said Tunnel Rat. "One. Now!" He went to push the door open, hoping to get the sticky off his hands, but four strong hands pulled him back from the door. "Hey!" the skateboarder screeched, then turned to see the world's two greatest ninjas glaring at him. "Uh… what'd I do?"

"You tried to break in on a lady in the bathroom, that's what," I said, reaching past the teen's red head and pulling the door shut with a jerk as I glared at Tunnel Rat. "And while _Tommy _here might not see anything so bad in that, I –"

"HEY!" Thomas glared at me, for using his hated nickname and for the jab I had given him to get back at him for not leaving the bathroom this morning. "That's not true."

"What, ain't your name Tommy?" asked Tunnel Rat.

"Uh… no, it's Thom-AS. Thom-AS."

"Hey, Thom-AS, kin I wash my hand somewhere's else?" Tunnel Rat asked, holding up his hands. Thomas took him to the kitchen and let him wash his hands off in the sink that TR had missed. "What do I dry my hands on?" asked Tunnel Rat, doing his best to remember what Scarlett told him and be polite since they were in somebody else's home.

"Just dry them somewhere," said Thomas, laying down on the couch.

A second later he jumped up with a howl as Tunnel Rat came out of Thomas's bedroom, drying his hands on his favorite shirt. "AAAAARGH, TUNNEL RAT!! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO USE MY CLOTHES!!" _How does this kid EVER save the day!? _


End file.
